Monday, September 1, 2008

Were we always gay ?

This title might sound a bit strange, specially when I have previously mentioned that a gay person is born, not "turned", but my comment is because, and I know many of you are going to feel familiar with this, when I was younger I had to pretend to be attracted to girls all for fear to what other people were going to think, not to mention the pressure from my parents who I´m sure always knew about my sexuality but deep inside they were hoping it was just some "phase" I was going through, and in fact, I did have a couple of girlfriends when I was younger, I can even say that it was fun but there was always that part of me that wouldn´t feel complete and that´s exactly what happens when you have to be in a relationship with someone who´s not the right person for you, regardless the sexual orientation, and in my case it was very frustrating because I realized that the girl I was with, was getting deeply involved and I didn´t want to break her heart, luckily I found the way to live alone for awhile away from it all and that´s when everything came back to the path that it was meant to be followed.

Since then, I promised myself to never deceive others AND myself, it´s true I got involved in heterosexual relationships in the past, but it was because of pressure and inmaturity, it´s not fair to live a lie just for the convenience of others, that only brings frustration and a miserable life in which whether we like it or not, our loved ones get involved and it´s not fair for them, our priorities when it comes to our happiness shouldn´t interfere in their own, the last thing they deserve is selfishness from our side, and even though it´s not intended, still gets them.

I have always been gay, I remember this one time when I was probably 6 or 7, we were watching a soap opera in the family room and all of sudden, out of nowhere I go: "that guy is so cute", everyone looked at me horrified, all I did was run back to my room, that was without a doubt the first clue of my real sexuality to my parents and, althought they never mentioned anything after that episode, that got stuck in my mind because for some reason I felt I had done something bad that lasted for a few years, I brought this up just a reminder that a gay person is born, at that early age you don´t really know that you´re supposed to be attracted to a boy or a girl, all I know is that it came out very natural.

I can´t speak for everybody, we´re all different and if family, society and friends put some influence on us in the way we come out, ultimately we are the ones who dedice how we´re going to live our lives and whom we´re going to love, that´s how we grow as human beings and this gives us the authority to deny and reject all that goes against our beliefs, nothing can affect what our plan in achieving goals in live is, not religion not discrimination, these are only considered obstacles that are VERY easy to overcome, all we need is the courage to say no to those who try to make us vulnerable with their negativity.

So, bottom line is, there´s NOTHING wrong with being gay, whether you always were or came out later, you are the only one in control of your life, there will always be people who care about us and love us unconditionally for who we are and what we bring to society, these are the ones who make it all worthwhile, at the same time, and most definately, there will be others pointing a finger at us, they will become individuals stuck in their own misery who will need more than pitty from us to overcome their tragedy.